Friday, June 19, 2009
Late Night Rant.
So lately, my emotions have been getting the best of me. And hearing from friends that I take things to the head easily and always end up getting hurt isn't something I haven't heard before. I've always heard it, but was never able to control it. I was trying to sleep an hour ago, but I just couldn't cause now I have things on my mind. I really have no clue what to do anymore.
Most of the time, I laugh at myself, because I know I'm stupid for thinking differently. I try not to, but I still do. It's a hard habit to kick. Jimmy makes it even harder for me. He's always insulting me, and putting me down. Sometimes, I wonder what it's really like to have an older brother that actually cares about his younger sibling. Because he never shows anything to me. He doesn't help me with homework cause he says he has other things to do, he always gets pissed off when I ask him to drive me somewhere important, and last but not least, he never praises me whenever I do something for him. Not even a thank you. I've never seen him do any of this stuff, he sure knows how to keep it hidden.
Maybe that's why I'm so hard headed and over react to everything, because I grew up in a cold family that never shows any emotion towards me. I'm always helping around the house, but they never appreciate it. It's like what I do is never enough. I know I'm still young to understand what adults think, or what other people think, but sometimes, a little hint helps. *sigh.
I'm sick of always tearing up because it seems like my life is harder than some people, but others may have it harder than me. I know I'm the only person who can change things in my life, and I know that its never that fast for something to happen. I just want to stop being to sensitive and harden up a bit. No matter what struggles I face in the future, I don't want to end up crying about it like I am right now.
Sometimes I wish I didn't have tears to cry, but that's impossible. I think this is enough of a rant. I'm going to try and get some sleep now.
Most of the time, I laugh at myself, because I know I'm stupid for thinking differently. I try not to, but I still do. It's a hard habit to kick. Jimmy makes it even harder for me. He's always insulting me, and putting me down. Sometimes, I wonder what it's really like to have an older brother that actually cares about his younger sibling. Because he never shows anything to me. He doesn't help me with homework cause he says he has other things to do, he always gets pissed off when I ask him to drive me somewhere important, and last but not least, he never praises me whenever I do something for him. Not even a thank you. I've never seen him do any of this stuff, he sure knows how to keep it hidden.
Maybe that's why I'm so hard headed and over react to everything, because I grew up in a cold family that never shows any emotion towards me. I'm always helping around the house, but they never appreciate it. It's like what I do is never enough. I know I'm still young to understand what adults think, or what other people think, but sometimes, a little hint helps. *sigh.
I'm sick of always tearing up because it seems like my life is harder than some people, but others may have it harder than me. I know I'm the only person who can change things in my life, and I know that its never that fast for something to happen. I just want to stop being to sensitive and harden up a bit. No matter what struggles I face in the future, I don't want to end up crying about it like I am right now.
Sometimes I wish I didn't have tears to cry, but that's impossible. I think this is enough of a rant. I'm going to try and get some sleep now.
End Of This Post.
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